So the subject of honour. What does it REALLY mean..? Honestly, I find the subject of honour a really hard thought to explain and communicate. However it is such a vital part of being in community, loving people and creating a environment where everyone becomes and achieves the best they ever could. But what does it look like...
Well, it can look like almost anything from opening the door for a lady, the elderly or even a friend to standing and giving a round of applause when someone does something well on a stage. The common theme is, to have a heart willing to serve and willing to become less for someone else's good and best. To open a door is to allow them in to a room or building first, going before you and letting them be seen first, or letting them in out of the rain first. To stand and applaud no matter what others are doing is to show how much you value what people have done and the time and effort they have put into something, and not being motivated by what others around you are doing or thinking about you.
Honour chooses to say, you're important and you need to know it. However it DOESN'T say you're more important, or I am worthless, that is false humility (another subject). It says you have a value to me, you have my respect, I see what you do and carry and I want to show you, however I can, how much you are worth. Also honour doesn't do it for the gratitude and appreciation of others, anyone can do a nice thing to look good, or to get people to like them and appreciate them, but how many people can do a nice thing and go unseen and let others take the lime light.
Can you work hard for someone and be happy if they are the only one who get's any recognition?
The problem we have in this society is that we all want to be seen and noticed. We get our values and our self esteem from people recognizing us and it pushes us to do something more outrageous, or, also, to follow what everyone else is doing, wear what they wear, say what they say and act how they do. When honour takes character and a person knows their own value and gets their self esteem from themselves, those super close to them (family) and God himself. When you have a person completely confident in themselves, they know that going low and serving other people is always 'the bigger thing' to do.
There is a time and place when people need to be recognised, applauded and shown some appreciation, especially those who move in honour constantly, but to thrive on it and pursue it is wrong and promotes false self esteem developed by being accepted and then promotes a perfectionism mind set which doesn't allow any one to make mistakes.
To develop this culture in your work, school, team or church is simple...Develop it in yourself! Start to be mindful of others, show honour and respect to EVERYONE, don't be selective, just let it be your character. Then teach others, slowly, why you do what you do. Honour asks to be honoured, when you honour people around you then you will find people start to honour you. This is the culture, this is where people start to walk in honour and start promoting each other to be the best them, and walk in confidence.
Friday, June 22, 2012
Monday, March 5, 2012
Holding trust
Why is it that we trust people to stand with us
in life family, friends and colleagues but when they say something about us
that is actually helpful and constructive we react and punish them or break our
connection with them? We take offence to what someone says without thinking,
that person can’t give you offence only you can take it, you have a choice every
time how you react and respond.
Two things I want to touch on, one is trust
can’t actually be earned...It is given. It is your choice when you give someone
your trust. So after a conflict of ideas/interest why don’t we give our trust
back to the person, or why do we take it away in the first place? For
protection, we are afraid of what people can do or say to us in our lives. We
are afraid of the influence someone may have over us.
Have you ever done something to someone that
means you lose their trust? How did you get it back? You worked for it, but
when was the moment you changed and/or when did they really know you had
changed or done enough to earn their trust again?
Let’s face it when someone changes they were
something one minute and something completely different the next minute...So
who are we (someone external from them) to say when that moment of change was
in someone’s life..? The criticism or difference of opinion that offended you and
them could have been the last moment till they changed, or until you changed,
so why should we react and retract our love, trust and friendship? Why wouldn’t
you be willing to let them back on to your sphere of influence?
Broken trust, broken hearts and broken emotions
can only be fixed by the art of selfless communication and brave
responsibility. We have to be able to communicate to and with people who don’t
always agree with us and maybe even upset or hurt us. In order to do this we
need to have our own thoughts in line but more importantly we need to be in
control of our own emotions. Too many decisions and conflicts have arisen
because people have reacted to someone else’s thoughts that hurt them. When
that person was only saying what they thought was right, so why can’t we talk
and find the middle ground? This is how marriages work, two people come
together with two completely different views or normal and expect the other
person to bow to them and their normal, when actually you were meant to both,
together, build your own normal. Iron sharpens Iron and faithful are the wounds
of a friend!
You always have to have the thoughts going
through your head,’ why do I trust them…because they have my best interests in
mind!’ and ‘What do they really mean by this’, when you start to feel affected
or offended.
The other problem is we always believe in
ourselves and always think we are right! So when someone comes in and says hey,
i don’t totally agree...so what! You have to realise that this person you have
put your trust in to is actually a person who has the best for you...that is
why you gave them trust in the first place, remember?
I understand that this blog is a lot of ideas
and questions that have arisen in my life just poured out over the screen. But
my point is, we so easily break trust bonds, friendships, love and hearts because
we react to someone trying to speak in to our lives and help us.
Trust can’t
be earned, only given.
How are
we good judges of when it’s right to trust someone when in their own minds they
are only trying to help us.
Communication
doesn’t mean you getting your way, it means finding the middle ground where you
have both compromised for the benefit of all.
Trust
means, you give someone the ability to hurt you for your own good!
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
Fitness...how to keep going..
Hey everyone, thank you for continued reading.
I'm going to move on to fitness and training, something that is a real passion of mine.
One of the questions I get asked a lot, or that people mention in passing is, 'How do you keep going?' or they say, 'I get bored at the gym and never keep going long term.' I personally think that everyone has it in them to be in reasonable shape, to tackle any target/event they set themselves. The two biggest problems I have found is that people think that the gym is a quick fix and it doesn't really take much effort, and people have no target/goal. Most people just show up for an hour, go home and it didn't really do anything for them.
So let's target these two areas. Let's be honest you can't just go gym once or twice and expect this huge result, and also you can't go and not try while you are there and expect a huge result. Some of this comes down to how you think people look at you. There's always that thought, 'I can't do that people will think I am weird and I will look silly!' But when you see someone going after it and doing the very thing you thought would look stupid you think, Wow, I wish I was that fit...Let's put 2 and 2 together...To get that fit, in shape, thin, muscly (insert here) then you have to do what they do. Be bold be strong. Put the effort in, when you feel like you have had an amazing workout no matter what level of fitness your at, your whole look on life is different.
Let's be honest about people's thoughts and looks. What can a look and thought really do to you..? It's a huge question because in so many areas of life we hold back from our dream because we worry what people think of us. The problem is that thought is powerless against us. It's only going to fester in their mind until jealously takes hold. If they are your friends they will know what your doing, why your doing it and if they are real friends, they will be cheering you on, if you don't know them outside of the gym then they can never drag you down, and probably will be having same thought's you used to have...'Wow, I wish I could do that'.
The looks, if I am honest I do look around while I am in the gym...But what I am looking for is new techniques or motivation for myself. If I see someone going after it hard then it inspires me to. So if you go to the gym knowing that people will be looking at you when they want new techniques ideas, and are cheering you on, how much more are you going to do?
So next big problem or stumbling block I have seen time and time again, no goals. We always need motivation, whether it is your stomach telling you to get up and cook, or your trousers getting to tight after Christmas. But the key to fitness is right goals and right maintaining of these goals.
I ALWAYS say you need one big target and little targets getting higher and higher towards your main goals. So an example...I completed my first Ironman in 2009 in Bolton, England. I trained myself with some advice and help form others but with total input only from myself. So what I was advised and decided to do was hold your big target of the Ironman up, and then have little triathlons, Half-marathons and marathons...going from smallest to biggest. So 6months before I would do a sprint/Olympic triathlon, then 5 months before do a half-marathon, then 4 months before do a longer distanced triathalon that I would manage/design... etc etc. See my process.
So my point basically is find something that you enjoy, find something that you have a passion for and aim to be the best at it. If you are just trying to loose weight then still don't just go to the gym for that reason, ask yourself, what do you enjoy, do you love football, boxing, swimming, hiking, dogs, horse riding...find something that is active. Then when your at the gym do the workout that are relevant to it, and then do the thing your passionate about. You will find you can put more effort in, you can 'go longer' and you actually bypass the brain where as in the gym you have to fight past boredom and thought life.
It is so simple to get fit/in shape and maintain it. You just have to have the right goals and motivation and then go after it. Learn to love yourself and love what you do. The gym can bore some people, so don't do it, enroll in classes you enjoy, join clubs, get out with your dogs and out walking.
I believe you can do it!
bootcamp training
I'm going to move on to fitness and training, something that is a real passion of mine.
One of the questions I get asked a lot, or that people mention in passing is, 'How do you keep going?' or they say, 'I get bored at the gym and never keep going long term.' I personally think that everyone has it in them to be in reasonable shape, to tackle any target/event they set themselves. The two biggest problems I have found is that people think that the gym is a quick fix and it doesn't really take much effort, and people have no target/goal. Most people just show up for an hour, go home and it didn't really do anything for them.
So let's target these two areas. Let's be honest you can't just go gym once or twice and expect this huge result, and also you can't go and not try while you are there and expect a huge result. Some of this comes down to how you think people look at you. There's always that thought, 'I can't do that people will think I am weird and I will look silly!' But when you see someone going after it and doing the very thing you thought would look stupid you think, Wow, I wish I was that fit...Let's put 2 and 2 together...To get that fit, in shape, thin, muscly (insert here) then you have to do what they do. Be bold be strong. Put the effort in, when you feel like you have had an amazing workout no matter what level of fitness your at, your whole look on life is different.
Let's be honest about people's thoughts and looks. What can a look and thought really do to you..? It's a huge question because in so many areas of life we hold back from our dream because we worry what people think of us. The problem is that thought is powerless against us. It's only going to fester in their mind until jealously takes hold. If they are your friends they will know what your doing, why your doing it and if they are real friends, they will be cheering you on, if you don't know them outside of the gym then they can never drag you down, and probably will be having same thought's you used to have...'Wow, I wish I could do that'.
The looks, if I am honest I do look around while I am in the gym...But what I am looking for is new techniques or motivation for myself. If I see someone going after it hard then it inspires me to. So if you go to the gym knowing that people will be looking at you when they want new techniques ideas, and are cheering you on, how much more are you going to do?
So next big problem or stumbling block I have seen time and time again, no goals. We always need motivation, whether it is your stomach telling you to get up and cook, or your trousers getting to tight after Christmas. But the key to fitness is right goals and right maintaining of these goals.
I ALWAYS say you need one big target and little targets getting higher and higher towards your main goals. So an example...I completed my first Ironman in 2009 in Bolton, England. I trained myself with some advice and help form others but with total input only from myself. So what I was advised and decided to do was hold your big target of the Ironman up, and then have little triathlons, Half-marathons and marathons...going from smallest to biggest. So 6months before I would do a sprint/Olympic triathlon, then 5 months before do a half-marathon, then 4 months before do a longer distanced triathalon that I would manage/design... etc etc. See my process.
So my point basically is find something that you enjoy, find something that you have a passion for and aim to be the best at it. If you are just trying to loose weight then still don't just go to the gym for that reason, ask yourself, what do you enjoy, do you love football, boxing, swimming, hiking, dogs, horse riding...find something that is active. Then when your at the gym do the workout that are relevant to it, and then do the thing your passionate about. You will find you can put more effort in, you can 'go longer' and you actually bypass the brain where as in the gym you have to fight past boredom and thought life.
It is so simple to get fit/in shape and maintain it. You just have to have the right goals and motivation and then go after it. Learn to love yourself and love what you do. The gym can bore some people, so don't do it, enroll in classes you enjoy, join clubs, get out with your dogs and out walking.
I believe you can do it!
bootcamp training
Saturday, February 4, 2012
Lost art of chivalry! Pt1
Hey guys.
This post is going to be good reading for both sexes though will be aimed at the men.
Why do guys not know how to act around women..?
I remember walking through my local town (Taunton, Somerset) with a really good friend. She said to me, 'My dad would always walk on the side of the road (so in between her and the traffic)' It hit me like a stone right between the eyes. I couldn't believe that something so simple could speak so much of a persons character. This simple thing would show someone that you care about that you are the type of person that will hold to values no matter the cost to your own life. Right in that moment, I can't even remember exactly where I was, I stopped, walked around her and stood on the side of the road.
This short story began a big process in my life. How can I show people my character and my heart for looking after people. I started thinking, 'Is it that hard to pause for a few seconds and let people in to a shop before I go out?' 'is it really that big a deal if I hold a door for anyone, especially someone of the opposite sex?' however the biggest question I would face would be...'Will women think I like them if I do these things, will they think that I am after a phone number, Facebook or more..?' So I was processing this through while doing life, trial and error, a thing I though that was obsolete when taught it in my maths class at secondary school. I realised that its not about what people think of me, because I will never be able to control another's persons thoughts, feelings, emotions and ESPECIALLY their actions! With this revelation (helped by some teaching I was listening to from Bethel church in Redding,Ca) I came to an understanding that not only could I not control these things, but I can control myself, I can control how I handle myself, what impression I give off to other people, when 'the ball is in their court' about actions and feelings it's no longer about me it's about them.
So, back to what i really want to talk about...CHIVALRY! Guys we have lost the vision for why we date, why we find women attractive. We are all born to want relationships, we are all born into relationships. So when as we get older we desire a more intimate relationship...we desire to want to be known. To have someone who not only we know, but truly knows us, who hears us fart and accepts us (please say its not just me..?haha) and laughs with us! Not only are we born to want relationships but we are born (as men) to defend, provide, honour, and fight for our families. We are the stronger sex, sorry women, it is actually a fact,sorry just accept it. Yes there are some exceptions, some women are stronger than some men. However all this said, guys, we are generally the strongest of the sexes...That means that we have MORE responsibility, we have to fight and protect our relationships. This is why you can go to almost any town in England on a Friday or Saturday night and find guys fighting in the streets...We were born to protect and fight for people, because they are weaker or just because we love them! Chivalry shows this, chivalry says, 'I am willing to become less, for you to succeed/or gain what i loose'.
What a women desires above all other things, is to be held, but held in a way that says, 'I've got you', it screams I am a man that can take on anything that comes my way, but here's the catch...A woman wants a guy to really know, and i mean really believe in himself and his abilities to protect you and your prtential family...But walk humbly and say 'I don't NEED to PROVE myself, if something comes I will deal with it, but I will first try and talk my way out'. Knowing that you can, but restraining yourself so that you can let people in to know you. Crying is ok, and is not weakness. Sometimes we need to mourn, our bodies are desgined to process. Let our bodies do what they need to do and let us get on and love our family.
So my point is...GET OVER YOURSELF! Become less and die to yourself so that you can have the privilege of seeing someone else succeed and become great! We are born to all make each other feel like we can take on the world! Chivalry just says this on a daily basis...'I am a guy who is in control, and knows what i want and will always promote you to be what you want to be!'
http://1a7159q9lw2w2sejm9osqe0n9g.hop.clickbank.net/?tid=BLOGG2
This post is going to be good reading for both sexes though will be aimed at the men.
Why do guys not know how to act around women..?
I remember walking through my local town (Taunton, Somerset) with a really good friend. She said to me, 'My dad would always walk on the side of the road (so in between her and the traffic)' It hit me like a stone right between the eyes. I couldn't believe that something so simple could speak so much of a persons character. This simple thing would show someone that you care about that you are the type of person that will hold to values no matter the cost to your own life. Right in that moment, I can't even remember exactly where I was, I stopped, walked around her and stood on the side of the road.
This short story began a big process in my life. How can I show people my character and my heart for looking after people. I started thinking, 'Is it that hard to pause for a few seconds and let people in to a shop before I go out?' 'is it really that big a deal if I hold a door for anyone, especially someone of the opposite sex?' however the biggest question I would face would be...'Will women think I like them if I do these things, will they think that I am after a phone number, Facebook or more..?' So I was processing this through while doing life, trial and error, a thing I though that was obsolete when taught it in my maths class at secondary school. I realised that its not about what people think of me, because I will never be able to control another's persons thoughts, feelings, emotions and ESPECIALLY their actions! With this revelation (helped by some teaching I was listening to from Bethel church in Redding,Ca) I came to an understanding that not only could I not control these things, but I can control myself, I can control how I handle myself, what impression I give off to other people, when 'the ball is in their court' about actions and feelings it's no longer about me it's about them.
So, back to what i really want to talk about...CHIVALRY! Guys we have lost the vision for why we date, why we find women attractive. We are all born to want relationships, we are all born into relationships. So when as we get older we desire a more intimate relationship...we desire to want to be known. To have someone who not only we know, but truly knows us, who hears us fart and accepts us (please say its not just me..?haha) and laughs with us! Not only are we born to want relationships but we are born (as men) to defend, provide, honour, and fight for our families. We are the stronger sex, sorry women, it is actually a fact,sorry just accept it. Yes there are some exceptions, some women are stronger than some men. However all this said, guys, we are generally the strongest of the sexes...That means that we have MORE responsibility, we have to fight and protect our relationships. This is why you can go to almost any town in England on a Friday or Saturday night and find guys fighting in the streets...We were born to protect and fight for people, because they are weaker or just because we love them! Chivalry shows this, chivalry says, 'I am willing to become less, for you to succeed/or gain what i loose'.
What a women desires above all other things, is to be held, but held in a way that says, 'I've got you', it screams I am a man that can take on anything that comes my way, but here's the catch...A woman wants a guy to really know, and i mean really believe in himself and his abilities to protect you and your prtential family...But walk humbly and say 'I don't NEED to PROVE myself, if something comes I will deal with it, but I will first try and talk my way out'. Knowing that you can, but restraining yourself so that you can let people in to know you. Crying is ok, and is not weakness. Sometimes we need to mourn, our bodies are desgined to process. Let our bodies do what they need to do and let us get on and love our family.
So my point is...GET OVER YOURSELF! Become less and die to yourself so that you can have the privilege of seeing someone else succeed and become great! We are born to all make each other feel like we can take on the world! Chivalry just says this on a daily basis...'I am a guy who is in control, and knows what i want and will always promote you to be what you want to be!'
http://1a7159q9lw2w2sejm9osqe0n9g.hop.clickbank.net/?tid=BLOGG2
Relationships...the art of communication
Welcome back to my blog, thank you for continuing to read and follow me...Time for relationships...The Art Of Communication.
As I said in my first blog, I am currently at a ministry school in Redding, California. Here they have a high value for relationships and how to cultivate, maintain and, if necessary, re-build them.
Watch this Youtube link before going further, It is under 2mins long...Then i will give you my experiences and what i have learned.
What I have found to be the biggest problem is we ALL have an opinion and we ALL think we are right! So how do we get over this problem of, lets face it, selfishness. Sorry guys, but just being honest. Sometimes it takes being able to admit we are wrong, or saying, 'you know what, our relationship is more important to me than proving you wrong.' Being humble. So how did I learn this amazing fact...Yep you guessed it, I learned by failing! The difference between a wise man and a fool is...they make the same mistake but a wise man learns!
So first example...Driving...how many of us think we are the best drivers EVER? Well I do too! However the biggest problem with this is when we are not driving, but a passenger to our best friends and family. Why is it that it is SO easy to tell them they are wrong...because they are our closet friends, they are the ones that are in our lives to speak into us and we them, so we feel obligated to tell them when we are right, and when we are better than them! So here we are, my girl friend, whom I adore, and myself are driving in her home country and town...yes this is a country that i had never visited before, I was here to visit the family for the first time, it is the opposite side of the road than I am used to. But still i'm a man and we men are always right...right? WRONG! Sorry guys! Well we are driving back to her house, I naturally start telling her, when to slow down, when to turn, how to turn, when to use brakes to slow down and when to use gears, I tell her when she's not using her indicators (Blinkers for my American people), just about anything I could say I said! At first this was ok...'He's only trying to help!' Five minutes later she's now shouting in her head 'HE'S JUST TRYING TO HELP!' ONE minute later...'If he doesn't stop it I'll pull this car over and throttle the waste of space Englishmen!' (my interpretation of her face!) Anyway we got into an 'argument' about why I was saying things, how I was saying things. Her point was I was making her feel very small, not very powerful and as if she couldn't drive at all in her own country. I on the other hand was doing it because I love her and want to her to improve and do well. The point her is...we both want the best for each other. We both love each other and are committed to each other no matter what.
So why did we end up like this? I think it was because my love, at this point, in these circumstances, was conditional on how safe I felt not on who she was and that she is a competent, loving human being who was doing what was right to her, her conditions were right for her driving, so I should have relaxed and realised she was doing well and I was safe in the hands of someone who loves me. Her love, while I was in full flow in saying she wasn't doing a good job, was also conditional upon my attitude toward her abilities. So while she started by looking past the rubbish to see the best in me, I got too much because I kept with me tone of, 'I don't feel like your doing well and I'M not safe'. She thought I was being selfish and I thought she was incompetent of driving. SO we clashed.
How did we overcome this? Ok I know this isn't the most dramatic story and worst situation, but it was something, it was an argument and people have these all the time especially with small pointless things like this. Well we dealt with it by talking. Ok there was some tension and we had to talk past our individual feelings to the feelings we have for each other. But we did just talk about why we were both doing it and were we are going with it, until we came to a resolution; I love her no matter what she does, even when we disagree. She loves me no matter what I do, even when we disagree. Relationships are not built upon what you can get, or what you agree upon but what you can give, and what you can let go.
love you all!
dieting help
Thursday, February 2, 2012
Welcome. My name is Samuel Parker,25 years old, i was born in Somerset, England. I am currently living and studying in Redding, California.
This blog will contain anything and everything that i feel needs to be shared and expressed. However there are going to be 5 major categories: Sexual Advise (testimonies and practical advice), Personal Training advice (hints, tips, questions and injury recoveries), Christianity (the who, what, where, when and testimonies), YouTube (what i am enjoying and also relevant stuff), and advertising (what i feel will help in any of the categories and stuff i believe in).
My family doesn't come from the area I was raised in and so long distance relationships have always been normal. Though for someone who's love languages are physical touch and words of affirmation this can be hard and easy to feel disconnected, though easy to come together again with a sile visit and re-connect.
My schooling was always through the main stream English systems, and was very standard from most perspectives, though did discover that it is so easy to be guided and moulded in to something or someone you don't really believe in and want to be when you have no concept of destiny and how your thoughts and actions, at that age, will affect your personality which in turns effects where you go in life. I always wanted to be a pilot in the RAF and trained with this goal in my mind. I applied myself consistently towards this goal after my 'rebellious' years of 13-18. Due to medical reasons I wasn't allowed in, though this preparation propelled me towards personal training. My fitness was always high and was in this season of my life when I decided to train myself to do the Ironman in Bolton England.
This is my recommendation for a great way to start your fitness lifestyle:
http://501ada-3fu3p8o6fp4p2m9-l9l.hop.clickbank.net/
Another theme that was running through my life during this whole time, was that of sexuality. What I like to call 'The good, the bad, and the redeemed'. This speaks of my Christian up bringing where we believe that we should keep ourselves for our spouse in marriage. Though during my school years pornography, masturbation and women played a big role in my life. This all felt 'normal' because of the stuff i was believing in by the friends that where around me. I finally made a choice in my heart and, surprisingly, I found a lot of 'teaching' and material about why we should keep ourselves for the one person we marry, the science about why it's killing our bodies when we don't hold out, the science about how it is affecting our minds, bodies, souls and people around us and how we really relate to people around us. Also the spiritual and Godly reasons why it's hard to hold out and yet right to fight for it. What I believe to be THE TRUTH ABOUT SEXUALITY. (Later on I will be going in to real detail about how if affects the male and female body, how it effects people's minds, relationships in culture and the real ways to have an amazing sex life...never have a problem in bed, love your spouse).
I have recently dropped everything to come to a ministry school here in Redding, Ca, USA. Stunning place and yet even more amazing school. I have grown so much in who I am, what I meant to do, and confidence in what I am talking about in this blog. I feel that this school has set me up for success, now I want to do the same for you guys. Stay with me through all this. I will be getting people in to help write this, quotes, YouTube's, places to buy added materials. This blog will become all you will need to be a fit, healthy strong person who believes in themselves, who is powerful to make decisions and lead people.
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