Welcome back to my blog, thank you for continuing to read and follow me...Time for relationships...The Art Of Communication.
As I said in my first blog, I am currently at a ministry school in Redding, California. Here they have a high value for relationships and how to cultivate, maintain and, if necessary, re-build them.
Watch this Youtube link before going further, It is under 2mins long...Then i will give you my experiences and what i have learned.
What I have found to be the biggest problem is we ALL have an opinion and we ALL think we are right! So how do we get over this problem of, lets face it, selfishness. Sorry guys, but just being honest. Sometimes it takes being able to admit we are wrong, or saying, 'you know what, our relationship is more important to me than proving you wrong.' Being humble. So how did I learn this amazing fact...Yep you guessed it, I learned by failing! The difference between a wise man and a fool is...they make the same mistake but a wise man learns!
So first example...Driving...how many of us think we are the best drivers EVER? Well I do too! However the biggest problem with this is when we are not driving, but a passenger to our best friends and family. Why is it that it is SO easy to tell them they are wrong...because they are our closet friends, they are the ones that are in our lives to speak into us and we them, so we feel obligated to tell them when we are right, and when we are better than them! So here we are, my girl friend, whom I adore, and myself are driving in her home country and town...yes this is a country that i had never visited before, I was here to visit the family for the first time, it is the opposite side of the road than I am used to. But still i'm a man and we men are always right...right? WRONG! Sorry guys! Well we are driving back to her house, I naturally start telling her, when to slow down, when to turn, how to turn, when to use brakes to slow down and when to use gears, I tell her when she's not using her indicators (Blinkers for my American people), just about anything I could say I said! At first this was ok...'He's only trying to help!' Five minutes later she's now shouting in her head 'HE'S JUST TRYING TO HELP!' ONE minute later...'If he doesn't stop it I'll pull this car over and throttle the waste of space Englishmen!' (my interpretation of her face!) Anyway we got into an 'argument' about why I was saying things, how I was saying things. Her point was I was making her feel very small, not very powerful and as if she couldn't drive at all in her own country. I on the other hand was doing it because I love her and want to her to improve and do well. The point her is...we both want the best for each other. We both love each other and are committed to each other no matter what.
So why did we end up like this? I think it was because my love, at this point, in these circumstances, was conditional on how safe I felt not on who she was and that she is a competent, loving human being who was doing what was right to her, her conditions were right for her driving, so I should have relaxed and realised she was doing well and I was safe in the hands of someone who loves me. Her love, while I was in full flow in saying she wasn't doing a good job, was also conditional upon my attitude toward her abilities. So while she started by looking past the rubbish to see the best in me, I got too much because I kept with me tone of, 'I don't feel like your doing well and I'M not safe'. She thought I was being selfish and I thought she was incompetent of driving. SO we clashed.
How did we overcome this? Ok I know this isn't the most dramatic story and worst situation, but it was something, it was an argument and people have these all the time especially with small pointless things like this. Well we dealt with it by talking. Ok there was some tension and we had to talk past our individual feelings to the feelings we have for each other. But we did just talk about why we were both doing it and were we are going with it, until we came to a resolution; I love her no matter what she does, even when we disagree. She loves me no matter what I do, even when we disagree. Relationships are not built upon what you can get, or what you agree upon but what you can give, and what you can let go.
love you all!
dieting help
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